Reflections on Process, life experiences and the creation of Mary Dubois.

About two years ago, after seeing my memoir published, I felt empowered about my ability to tell a story. In fact, it seemed to me that writing had always been close to who I am. There was a time, comprised of decades, in which I told stories through the mediums of drawing and oil painting. Even as a child, I drew, and one particular memory still stands out to me. I was six or seven, and we lived in a small flat which was located in a laneway. It was a sunny morning, and I think it was summer. I was in the common yard that the neighbours shared to get to and from their homes.

It was all dirt, with areas populated with weeds. I still remember being out in that yard, a piece of wood, or maybe it was a small branch, and I was drawing. The image I recall drawing was that of a house with trees and people. Dragging, pulling the stick across the dry soil to reflect what I had in my mind, well, that felt magical. From then on, drawing would become my thing, what I was good at, and it made me happy. I would keep at this form of storytelling for most of my life, up until my eyesight diminished and my hand, that hand that used to be strong and sure, had a couple of unfortunate accidents that damaged tendons and made holding a brush for too long a period painful.

I have no regrets. I enjoyed decades of creating on paper and canvas, and since transitioning in 2021, my concentration has been on using my voice to represent queer women and their lives. In 2018-19, I decided to use my notes that touched on parts of my life to write a memoir. And was hooked. This is when I realized that the creative process was not limited to any one medium. So, I started reading books on the craft of writing, and without skipping a beat, I was writing my first novel.

There were a few ups and downs along the way as I discovered my writing voice and absorbed information on such things as point of view, tense, structure, plots, and so much more. I had this certainty of what genre I wanted to write in, and that was the thriller. Having read tons of books in the genre over the years, it was a no-brainer for me. But, I also knew, without reservations, that I wished to continue using my voice to represent the LGBTQ+ community, specifically trans women.

I began thinking about the type of story I felt needed to be told. It would involve a queer, trans woman who is still dealing with childhood trauma from an abusive father, bullying and, of course, all the discrimination and suffering brought on by transphobia and misogyny. Could I would I dare go there? Of course, I would. How could I not?

It dawned on me that I wanted my heroine to also reflect something I was familiar with, and that was that she came from a mixed French/English family, and more to the point, a Quebecois father and a mother of Irish descent. Mary Dubois came to life, partially extracted from personal experiences and a lot from listening to accounts from trans women online. One thing I knew was that I didn’t want her to be a two-dimensional character. She, Mary, would need a past filled with trauma and loss. I would use her traumatic experiences to help form a somewhat broken individual, transforming her into someone whose hyper-vigilance is, in a manner, her superpower. Especially given that she would become a profiler, this ability to observe and analyze her surroundings and information.

Mary Dubois is a survivor, and despite the recurring bouts of anxiety and PTSD, she is a formidable woman. Since I am making this thriller into a series, you, and I, will get to witness Mary’s evolution and how she navigates the effects of the past of her life and see her deal with bigotry, hatred and fear of others. As the protagonist goes, she is all of us, with fears and uncertainties filling her everyday life. And if you are a dog lover, you will fall in love with Sigma, her border collie.

All along this road to completing my first novel, I had the best help from friends, publishers of my memoir and other authors. I have benefitted from mentoring, critique swaps and beta readers. To you, I want you to know that I am a better and more capable writer because of your generosity. I have been helped by another queer, trans woman author and made to feel that I could write, that my voice had value. There is a dearth of trans women who write in the thriller genre. I know of three or four in the United States, and though there may be more, it remains a rather empty field. Canada has one trans man author of crime stories, but I haven’t come across anyone else like me writing thrillers. This knowledge makes me somewhat anxious, but at the same time, immensely proud and determined to bring my voice to the world of Canadian literature and beyond.

Here is, in a nutshell, what I think my first thriller is all about. Plus, hopefully, an exciting read that will keep you turning the pages.

THE RAINBOW KILLER, A MARY DUBOIS THRILLER, is written by a queer, trans woman about a trans woman criminal profiler inhabited by many LGBTQ people. This thriller addresses issues of trauma and anxiety. It shines a light on what it feels like to be bothered, to be discriminated against, and the reclaiming one's agency. The Rainbow Killer, a Mary Dubois Thriller, stands out for staring down transphobia and other forms of discrimination while being inclusive.

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A queer Trans psychological thriller