I am a Canadian queer trans woman thriller writer.
As we drove to gift a few boxes of books to our local Library, I confided to my wife how I had never gotten used to being different. I explained how I felt worn down at once again being on a less travelled path. It seems as though this has been my lot since childhood. Back then, it had more to do with knowing I was somehow in the wrong body and how it kept me from fully being myself. Decades passed before I transitioned, and in no time, I stopped painting landscapes and still lives, opting for what I was passionate about: women and our bodies. Out came a series on vulvas, some erotic pieces to finally share my views on canvas of queer women and their lives.
It was an empowering time for me but also an incredibly lonely one. My paintings were focused on my community of queers and women. I couldn’t, didn’t want to do anything else. This was my niche. I tried to use my voice as a paintress to showcase these women in all their splendour and truths. Then, time intervened, and my eyesight diminished; it was time to find a new expression for my creativity. Enter writing!
As it was bound to be, I discovered that if I were to write, it would have to be about the same topics as when I painted, namely queer women. I wrote my first thriller with a trans woman protagonist; I was in familiar territory. I made the acquaintance of other LGBTQ+ writers and discovered that a few trans-women authors were writing in the same genre. Naturally, I bought and devoured their books, loving reading about people like me. I would be such an author.
I hoped to come across other trans women thriller writers in Canada, but I couldn’t find any. I would have to be the first trans woman thriller writer in my country. I’m not too wild about the idea of trailblazing. But, like my wife said when I complained about again being a stand out in the crowd, “You do this because you know it’s important. Others need to read about what it’s like and that we are more similar than different. Besides, it’s who you are, a groundbreaker.”
She wasn’t wrong, but sometimes I wish it was easier. Realizing that writing about the LGBTQ+ community and trans women in positions of power, promoting feminist values and fighting the patriarchy is precisely in my wheelhouse, my next step is to take responsibility and no longer shy away from who I am in this context.
So, allow me to introduce myself. I’m that queer, trans-woman writer who enjoys creating thrillers revolving around strong trans women and the LGBTQ+ community. I speak to the power of inclusive feminism, denouncing misogyny and the celebration of diversity. And as someone recently reminded me, I’m a unicorn. I may be the only queer trans woman thriller writer in Canada. I will own it.
